So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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