exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
