I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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