u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he wants to bone in the snuggie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
