When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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