Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
