How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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