He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
