I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
