well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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