I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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