Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
