Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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