I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
