Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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