i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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