When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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