she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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