Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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