Got a toothbrush?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
