Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
