So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
