We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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