Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
