Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
