Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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