Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
