Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
