i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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