I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
