I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
