Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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