I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
