My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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