i think i have herpe
just one?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How external is "for external use only"?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
