youre lurking in front of me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
