My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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