I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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