24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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