I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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