I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
