This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
