let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
