he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
