Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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