my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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