im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
