nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
