It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
