i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
